1Abimelech, son of Jerubbaal, rolled up to Shechem to chat with his fam, saying,

2Yo, listen up, Shechem crew! Is it better to have all 70 of Jerubbaal's sons run things, or just one? Remember, I’m your blood, no cap.

3His fam hyped him up in front of all the Shechem guys, saying, "He’s our bro," and their hearts were like, "We’re down for Abimelech."

4They slid him 70 pieces of silver from Baal-berith's crib, and Abimelech hired some sus dudes to roll with him.

5He bounced back to his dad's place in Ophrah and took out his brothers, 70 of them, on one stone. But Jotham, the youngest, was slick and hid.

6All the Shechem guys and the Millo fam gathered up and crowned Abimelech king at the spot with the pillar in Shechem.

7When Jotham heard, he climbed Mount Gerizim, raised his voice, and shouted, "Yo, Shechem dudes, listen up so God can hear you too!"

8One time, the trees decided to find a king, and they hit up the olive tree, saying, "You should reign over us."

9But the olive tree was like, "Nah, should I ditch my vibes that honor God and people just to be king over trees?"

10Then the trees asked the fig tree, "Yo, you come and reign over us!"

11But the fig tree was like, “Am I really gonna ditch my sweetness and fire fruit to be a tree boss? No cap.”

12Then the trees were like to the vine, “Yo, come through and rule over us.”

13And the vine was like, “Should I really leave my wine that vibes with God and people to be a tree boss?”

14Then all the trees hit up the bramble, “Yo, come through and rule over us.”

15And the bramble was like, “If you really wanna make me king, then trust my shade. If not, let fire come outta me and roast the cedars of Lebanon.”

16So like, if you’ve been real and sincere making Abimelech king, and if you’ve treated Jerubbaal and his fam right, then you’re good.

17(My dad fought for you, risking it all, and saved you from Midian, for real.)

18And you guys are turning on my dad’s house today, killing his sons, seventy peeps, on one stone, and making Abimelech, his maid’s son, king over Shechem, just 'cause he’s your bro.)

19If you’ve been real and sincere with Jerubbaal and his fam today, then vibe with Abimelech, and let him vibe with you too.

20But if not, let fire come from Abimelech and roast the men of Shechem and the house of Millo; and let fire come from them and roast Abimelech.

21Jotham dipped out, ran to Beer, and chilled there 'cause he was scared of his bro Abimelech.

22Abimelech was king for three years over Israel, no cap.

23Then God sent some sus vibes between Abimelech and the Shechem squad; they totally betrayed him.

24All the savage stuff done to the seventy sons of Jerubbaal was about to hit, and their blood was on Abimelech and the Shechem crew who helped him out.

25The Shechem boys set a trap for him on the mountains, robbing anyone who passed by; Abimelech got the 411 on that.

26Gaal, son of Ebed, rolled up with his crew to Shechem, and the Shechem peeps were all in on him.

27They hit the fields, picked their grapes, had a wild time, and then went to their god's crib to eat, drink, and throw shade at Abimelech.

28Gaal was like, "Who even is Abimelech? Why should we serve him? He's just Jerubbaal's son, and Zebul is his dude. We should vibe with the men of Hamor, not him."

29He was like, "For real, if I was in charge, I'd kick Abimelech out. Yo, Abimelech, level up your squad and come at me!"

30When Zebul, the city boss, heard what Gaal said, he got super heated.

31He slid into Abimelech's DMs, like, "Yo, Gaal and his crew just pulled up to Shechem, and they're beefing up the city against you."

32So, like, get your squad together at night and chill in the fields, no cap.

33When the sun's up in the morning, pop off and hit the city; when Gaal and his crew roll out, you do you, fam.

34Abimelech and his squad bounced up at night, laying low against Shechem in four squads, ready to go.

35Gaal stepped out and stood at the city gate, and Abimelech and his crew were like, "Surprise!" from their hiding spot.

36Gaal saw some peeps and told Zebul, "Check it, folks are coming down from the mountains." Zebul was like, "Nah, bro, that's just mountain shadows."

37Gaal was like, "For real, there’s more peeps coming down the middle of the land, and another crew is rolling in from the plain."

38Zebul clapped back, "Where's that mouth of yours now? You were talking big about Abimelech; is this not the crew you dissed? Go out and show them what's up."

39Gaal stepped out in front of the Shechem squad and threw down with Abimelech.

40Abimelech went after him, Gaal dipped, and a bunch of people got wrecked, even near the city gate.

41Abimelech was chillin' at Arumah, while Zebul kicked Gaal and his crew outta Shechem.

42The next day, the squad rolled out to the fields and hit up Abimelech with the tea.

43He gathered the crew, split them into three squads, and laid low in the fields, waiting for the peeps from the city to pop out, then he went off on them.

44Abimelech and his squad charged in, blocking the city gate, while the other two squads took out everyone vibing in the fields.

45Abimelech was throwing down against the city all day; he took it over, wiped out the peeps there, and salted the earth like a savage.

46When the guys in the tower of Shechem caught wind of that, they bounced to the hold of the house of their god, Berith.

47Word reached Abimelech that all the dudes from the tower of Shechem were gathered up.

48Abimelech hit up mount Zalmon with his crew, grabbed an axe, chopped down a branch, threw it on his shoulder, and told his squad, "Do what I just did, fam."

49Everyone else cut down their branches too, followed Abimelech, stacked 'em up in the hold, and lit it on fire; about a thousand men and women from the tower of Shechem were done for.

50Then Abimelech bounced to Thebez, set up camp, and took it down.

51There was this dope tower in the city, and everyone dipped there, locking it down and climbing to the top.

52Then Abimelech showed up at the tower, ready to throw down, and tried to light that door on fire.

53A woman chucked a millstone at Abimelech’s head, trying to wreck his skull, no cap.

54He quickly called his armor-bearer, like, "Draw your sword and end me, so people don’t say a woman took me out." The dude went for it and he was done.

55When the guys of Israel saw Abimelech was toast, they all bounced back to their spots.

56God paid back Abimelech for all the grimy stuff he did to his dad by taking out his seventy bros.

57And all the shady moves from the men of Shechem got served back to them, plus the curse from Jotham, Jerubbaal’s son.

1And Abimelech the son of Jerubbaal went to Shechem unto his mother’s brethren, and communed with them, and with all the family of the house of his mother’s father, saying,

2Speak, I pray you, in the ears of all the men of Shechem, Whether is better for you, either that all the sons of Jerubbaal, which are threescore and ten persons, reign over you, or that one reign over you? remember also that I am your bone and your flesh.

3And his mother’s brethren spake of him in the ears of all the men of Shechem all these words: and their hearts inclined to follow Abimelech; for they said, He is our brother.

4And they gave him threescore and ten pieces of silver out of the house of Baal–berith, wherewith Abimelech hired vain and light persons, which followed him.

5And he went unto his father’s house at Ophrah, and slew his brethren the sons of Jerubbaal, being threescore and ten persons, upon one stone: notwithstanding yet Jotham the youngest son of Jerubbaal was left; for he hid himself.

6And all the men of Shechem gathered together, and all the house of Millo, and went, and made Abimelech king, by the plain of the pillar that was in Shechem.

7And when they told it to Jotham, he went and stood in the top of mount Gerizim, and lifted up his voice, and cried, and said unto them, Hearken unto me, ye men of Shechem, that God may hearken unto you.

8The trees went forth on a time to anoint a king over them; and they said unto the olive tree, Reign thou over us.

9But the olive tree said unto them, Should I leave my fatness, wherewith by me they honour God and man, and go to be promoted over the trees?

10And the trees said to the fig tree, Come thou, and reign over us.

11But the fig tree said unto them, Should I forsake my sweetness, and my good fruit, and go to be promoted over the trees?

12Then said the trees unto the vine, Come thou, and reign over us.

13And the vine said unto them, Should I leave my wine, which cheereth God and man, and go to be promoted over the trees?

14Then said all the trees unto the bramble, Come thou, and reign over us.

15And the bramble said unto the trees, If in truth ye anoint me king over you, then come and put your trust in my shadow: and if not, let fire come out of the bramble, and devour the cedars of Lebanon.

16Now therefore, if ye have done truly and sincerely, in that ye have made Abimelech king, and if ye have dealt well with Jerubbaal and his house, and have done unto him according to the deserving of his hands;

17(For my father fought for you, and adventured his life far, and delivered you out of the hand of Midian:

18And ye are risen up against my father’s house this day, and have slain his sons, threescore and ten persons, upon one stone, and have made Abimelech, the son of his maidservant, king over the men of Shechem, because he is your brother;)

19If ye then have dealt truly and sincerely with Jerubbaal and with his house this day, then rejoice ye in Abimelech, and let him also rejoice in you:

20But if not, let fire come out from Abimelech, and devour the men of Shechem, and the house of Millo; and let fire come out from the men of Shechem, and from the house of Millo, and devour Abimelech.

21And Jotham ran away, and fled, and went to Beer, and dwelt there, for fear of Abimelech his brother.

22When Abimelech had reigned three years over Israel,

23Then God sent an evil spirit between Abimelech and the men of Shechem; and the men of Shechem dealt treacherously with Abimelech:

24That the cruelty done to the threescore and ten sons of Jerubbaal might come, and their blood be laid upon Abimelech their brother, which slew them; and upon the men of Shechem, which aided him in the killing of his brethren.

25And the men of Shechem set liers in wait for him in the top of the mountains, and they robbed all that came along that way by them: and it was told Abimelech.

26And Gaal the son of Ebed came with his brethren, and went over to Shechem: and the men of Shechem put their confidence in him.

27And they went out into the fields, and gathered their vineyards, and trode the grapes, and made merry, and went into the house of their god, and did eat and drink, and cursed Abimelech.

28And Gaal the son of Ebed said, Who is Abimelech, and who is Shechem, that we should serve him? is not he the son of Jerubbaal? and Zebul his officer? serve the men of Hamor the father of Shechem: for why should we serve him?

29And would to God this people were under my hand! then would I remove Abimelech. And he said to Abimelech, Increase thine army, and come out.

30And when Zebul the ruler of the city heard the words of Gaal the son of Ebed, his anger was kindled.

31And he sent messengers unto Abimelech privily, saying, Behold, Gaal the son of Ebed and his brethren be come to Shechem; and, behold, they fortify the city against thee.

32Now therefore up by night, thou and the people that is with thee, and lie in wait in the field:

33And it shall be, that in the morning, as soon as the sun is up, thou shalt rise early, and set upon the city: and, behold, when he and the people that is with him come out against thee, then mayest thou do to them as thou shalt find occasion.

34And Abimelech rose up, and all the people that were with him, by night, and they laid wait against Shechem in four companies.

35And Gaal the son of Ebed went out, and stood in the entering of the gate of the city: and Abimelech rose up, and the people that were with him, from lying in wait.

36And when Gaal saw the people, he said to Zebul, Behold, there come people down from the top of the mountains. And Zebul said unto him, Thou seest the shadow of the mountains as if they were men.

37And Gaal spake again and said, See there come people down by the middle of the land, and another company come along by the plain of Meonenim.

38Then said Zebul unto him, Where is now thy mouth, wherewith thou saidst, Who is Abimelech, that we should serve him? is not this the people that thou hast despised? go out, I pray now, and fight with them.

39And Gaal went out before the men of Shechem, and fought with Abimelech.

40And Abimelech chased him, and he fled before him, and many were overthrown and wounded, even unto the entering of the gate.

41And Abimelech dwelt at Arumah: and Zebul thrust out Gaal and his brethren, that they should not dwell in Shechem.

42And it came to pass on the morrow, that the people went out into the field; and they told Abimelech.

43And he took the people, and divided them into three companies, and laid wait in the field, and looked, and, behold, the people were come forth out of the city; and he rose up against them, and smote them.

44And Abimelech, and the company that was with him, rushed forward, and stood in the entering of the gate of the city: and the two other companies ran upon all the people that were in the fields, and slew them.

45And Abimelech fought against the city all that day; and he took the city, and slew the people that was therein, and beat down the city, and sowed it with salt.

46And when all the men of the tower of Shechem heard that, they entered into an hold of the house of the god Berith.

47And it was told Abimelech, that all the men of the tower of Shechem were gathered together.

48And Abimelech gat him up to mount Zalmon, he and all the people that were with him; and Abimelech took an axe in his hand, and cut down a bough from the trees, and took it, and laid it on his shoulder, and said unto the people that were with him, What ye have seen me do, make haste, and do as I have done.

49And all the people likewise cut down every man his bough, and followed Abimelech, and put them to the hold, and set the hold on fire upon them; so that all the men of the tower of Shechem died also, about a thousand men and women.

50Then went Abimelech to Thebez, and encamped against Thebez, and took it.

51But there was a strong tower within the city, and thither fled all the men and women, and all they of the city, and shut it to them, and gat them up to the top of the tower.

52And Abimelech came unto the tower, and fought against it, and went hard unto the door of the tower to burn it with fire.

53And a certain woman cast a piece of a millstone upon Abimelech’s head, and all to brake his skull.

54Then he called hastily unto the young man his armourbearer, and said unto him, Draw thy sword, and slay me, that men say not of me, A woman slew him. And his young man thrust him through, and he died.

55And when the men of Israel saw that Abimelech was dead, they departed every man unto his place.

56Thus God rendered the wickedness of Abimelech, which he did unto his father, in slaying his seventy brethren:

57And all the evil of the men of Shechem did God render upon their heads: and upon them came the curse of Jotham the son of Jerubbaal.