1The dudes from Ephraim were like, "Yo, why you treatin’ us like this? You didn’t even hit us up when you went to throw down with the Midianites!" They were lowkey mad.

2Gideon was like, "What’s the tea? What did I even do? Isn’t the leftover grapes from Ephraim way better than what I got?"

3God handed you the Midian bosses, Oreb and Zeeb, and what could I even do compared to you? They chilled out after he said that.

4Gideon rolled up to Jordan with his 300 homies, tired but still chasing the enemy.

5He told the Succoth crew, "Yo, can I get some bread for my squad? We’re beat, and I’m going after Zebah and Zalmunna, those Midian kings."

6The Succoth leaders were like, "Are Zebah and Zalmunna already yours? Why should we hook you up with bread for your crew?"

7Gideon shot back, "When the Lord hands Zebah and Zalmunna to me, I’m gonna roast you with thorns from the wild!"

8Then he bounced to Penuel and said the same thing, and the Penuel guys were just as sus as the Succoth dudes.

9He told the Penuel guys, "When I slide back in peace, I’m tearing down this tower."

10Zebah and Zalmunna were chillin’ in Karkor with about fifteen thousand men left, all that survived from the east, after a hundred and twenty thousand fell in battle.

11Gideon rolled up on the squad chillin’ in tents east of Nobah and Jogbehah and took them out, ‘cause they were feelin’ safe, no cap.

12When Zebah and Zalmunna dipped, Gideon chased them down and snagged those two kings of Midian, making the whole crew scatter, periodt.

13Gideon, son of Joash, came back from the battle before the sun even popped up, fr.

14He grabbed a young dude from Succoth and asked him about the squad leaders, and he spilled the tea on seventy-seven men.

15Gideon hit up the men of Succoth and was like, "Yo, check it, it's Zebah and Zalmunna, the ones you clowned me for, asking if their hands were ours so you wouldn’t feed my tired crew?"

16He took the city elders and some thorns from the wild and schooled the men of Succoth, savage style.

17He wrecked the tower of Penuel and took out the dudes from the city, no cap.

18Then he asked Zebah and Zalmunna, "What kind of guys did you take out at Tabor?" They replied, "They looked just like you, each one a total rizz king."

19He said, "They were my bros, the sons of my mom. As the Lord lives, if you had let them live, I wouldn’t be slaying you."

20He told his firstborn, Jether, "Get up and take them out." But the kid was shook and didn’t pull his sword, ‘cause he was still a youngin’.

21Zebah and Zalmunna were like, "Yo, come at us; a real one’s strength is in how they roll." So Gideon popped off and took them out, snatching the bling from their camels.

22The Israel crew told Gideon, "You gotta rule us, no cap, you and your fam, 'cause you saved us from Midian."

23Gideon was like, "Nah, I’m not your king, and my son ain't either; the Lord's the real boss here."

24Gideon asked them, "Can I get a favor? Hook me up with every dude’s earrings from the loot." (They had gold bling 'cause they were Ishmaelites.)

25They were all, "Bet, we got you." They spread out a cloak and tossed in all the earrings.

26The gold bling Gideon asked for was like 1,700 shekels, plus extra jewels, collars, and dope purple fits from the Midian kings, and chains from their camels.

27Gideon crafted an ephod from it and set it up in his crib at Ophrah, and all of Israel started chasing after it, which turned into a major trap for Gideon and his fam.

28Midian got wrecked in front of the Israelites, so they didn’t flex anymore. The land chilled for forty years while Gideon was in charge.

29Jerubbaal, son of Joash, went back to his own place.

30Gideon had seventy sons from his many wives, like that’s a whole squad.

31And his side chick from Shechem had a kid too, and he named him Abimelech, no cap.

32Gideon, Joash's son, lived his best life and passed away old and wise, getting buried in Joash's tomb back in Ophrah.

33But as soon as Gideon kicked the bucket, the Israelites went straight up sus, chasing after Baal and making Baal-berith their new vibe.

34They totally forgot about the Lord, their OG, who saved them from all their haters.

35And they didn’t even show love to Gideon’s fam, even after all the good he did for Israel.

1And the men of Ephraim said unto him, Why hast thou served us thus, that thou calledst us not, when thou wentest to fight with the Midianites? And they did chide with him sharply.

2And he said unto them, What have I done now in comparison of you? Is not the gleaning of the grapes of Ephraim better than the vintage of Abi–ezer?

3God hath delivered into your hands the princes of Midian, Oreb and Zeeb: and what was I able to do in comparison of you? Then their anger was abated toward him, when he had said that.

4And Gideon came to Jordan, and passed over, he, and the three hundred men that were with him, faint, yet pursuing them.

5And he said unto the men of Succoth, Give, I pray you, loaves of bread unto the people that follow me; for they be faint, and I am pursuing after Zebah and Zalmunna, kings of Midian.

6And the princes of Succoth said, Are the hands of Zebah and Zalmunna now in thine hand, that we should give bread unto thine army?

7And Gideon said, Therefore when the Lord hath delivered Zebah and Zalmunna into mine hand, then I will tear your flesh with the thorns of the wilderness and with briers.

8And he went up thence to Penuel, and spake unto them likewise: and the men of Penuel answered him as the men of Succoth had answered him.

9And he spake also unto the men of Penuel, saying, When I come again in peace, I will break down this tower.

10Now Zebah and Zalmunna were in Karkor, and their hosts with them, about fifteen thousand men, all that were left of all the hosts of the children of the east: for there fell an hundred and twenty thousand men that drew sword.

11And Gideon went up by the way of them that dwelt in tents on the east of Nobah and Jogbehah, and smote the host: for the host was secure.

12And when Zebah and Zalmunna fled, he pursued after them, and took the two kings of Midian, Zebah and Zalmunna, and discomfited all the host.

13And Gideon the son of Joash returned from battle before the sun was up,

14And caught a young man of the men of Succoth, and enquired of him: and he described unto him the princes of Succoth, and the elders thereof, even threescore and seventeen men.

15And he came unto the men of Succoth, and said, Behold Zebah and Zalmunna, with whom ye did upbraid me, saying, Are the hands of Zebah and Zalmunna now in thine hand, that we should give bread unto thy men that are weary?

16And he took the elders of the city, and thorns of the wilderness and briers, and with them he taught the men of Succoth.

17And he beat down the tower of Penuel, and slew the men of the city.

18Then said he unto Zebah and Zalmunna, What manner of men were they whom ye slew at Tabor? And they answered, As thou art, so were they; each one resembled the children of a king.

19And he said, They were my brethren, even the sons of my mother: as the Lord liveth, if ye had saved them alive, I would not slay you.

20And he said unto Jether his firstborn, Up, and slay them. But the youth drew not his sword: for he feared, because he was yet a youth.

21Then Zebah and Zalmunna said, Rise thou, and fall upon us: for as the man is, so is his strength. And Gideon arose, and slew Zebah and Zalmunna, and took away the ornaments that were on their camels’ necks.

22Then the men of Israel said unto Gideon, Rule thou over us, both thou, and thy son, and thy son’s son also: for thou hast delivered us from the hand of Midian.

23And Gideon said unto them, I will not rule over you, neither shall my son rule over you: the Lord shall rule over you.

24And Gideon said unto them, I would desire a request of you, that ye would give me every man the earrings of his prey. (For they had golden earrings, because they were Ishmaelites.)

25And they answered, We will willingly give them. And they spread a garment, and did cast therein every man the earrings of his prey.

26And the weight of the golden earrings that he requested was a thousand and seven hundred shekels of gold; beside ornaments, and collars, and purple raiment that was on the kings of Midian, and beside the chains that were about their camels’ necks.

27And Gideon made an ephod thereof, and put it in his city, even in Ophrah: and all Israel went thither a whoring after it: which thing became a snare unto Gideon, and to his house.

28Thus was Midian subdued before the children of Israel, so that they lifted up their heads no more. And the country was in quietness forty years in the days of Gideon.

29And Jerubbaal the son of Joash went and dwelt in his own house.

30And Gideon had threescore and ten sons of his body begotten: for he had many wives.

31And his concubine that was in Shechem, she also bare him a son, whose name he called Abimelech.

32And Gideon the son of Joash died in a good old age, and was buried in the sepulchre of Joash his father, in Ophrah of the Abi–ezrites.

33And it came to pass, as soon as Gideon was dead, that the children of Israel turned again, and went a whoring after Baalim, and made Baal–berith their god.

34And the children of Israel remembered not the Lord their God, who had delivered them out of the hands of all their enemies on every side:

35Neither shewed they kindness to the house of Jerubbaal, namely, Gideon, according to all the goodness which he had shewed unto Israel.