Gen Z: Judges 19
1So like, back in the day when Israel had no king, there was this Levite chilling on Mount Ephraim, and he scooped up a concubine from Bethlehem, no cap.
2But then she ghosted him and went back to her dad's place in Bethlehem for four whole months, playing him like that.
3The dude got up and went to find her, trying to smooth things over with some good vibes, bringing his servant and a couple of donkeys. When he got to her dad's house, the father was hyped to see him.
4Her pops was like, "Stay with us, fam," so he crashed there for three days, eating and drinking like it was a feast.
5On the fourth day, he was ready to bounce early, but her dad was like, "Chill, grab a bite first before you dip."
6They sat down and had a meal together, and her dad was all, "Just hang out, it's chill, and let’s vibe tonight."
7When the man tried to leave, his father-in-law was like, "Nah, stay one more night," so he ended up staying again.
8On the fifth day, he got up early to leave, but her dad was like, "Take a minute, let’s eat again." They ended up chilling until the afternoon.
9When the dude was finally ready to leave with his concubine and servant, her dad was like, "Yo, it’s getting late, just crash here tonight and chill, then head out in the morning."
10But the dude was not about that life, so he got up and left, heading towards Jebus, which is Jerusalem, with his two donkeys and his concubine in tow.
11So they were rolling by Jebus, day was almost over; and the servant was like, "Yo, let’s crash in this city of the Jebusites, it’s chill."
12But his master was like, "Nah fam, we ain’t staying in a stranger's city, we’re heading to Gibeah."
13He told his servant, "Ayo, let’s find one of these spots to stay for the night, Gibeah or Ramah, you feel?"
14They kept moving, and the sun dipped down on them near Gibeah, which was part of Benjamin's crew.
15They pulled over to crash in Gibeah, but when he walked in, he just plopped down in the street 'cause no one was down to host them.
16Then, an old dude came back from the field at night, he was from mount Ephraim and was chilling in Gibeah; but the locals were all Benjamites.
17When he looked up, he saw a traveler in the city street, and the old man was like, "Where you headed? Where you coming from?"
18The traveler said, "We’re coming from Bethlehem-Judah, heading towards mount Ephraim; I was in Bethlehem-Judah, now I’m off to the Lord’s crib, but no one’s letting me crash."
19But we got straw and food for our donkeys, and I got bread and wine for me, your girl, and the young dude with us; we’re good on supplies, no cap.
20The old man was like, "Peace out, fam; just let me handle your needs; but for real, don’t sleep in the street."
21So he brought him to his crib, fed the donkeys, and they washed their feet, then vibed with some food and drinks.
22While they were just chilling, some sus dudes from the city surrounded the house, banging on the door, saying to the old man, "Yo, bring out the guy who came in so we can get to know him."
23The old dude stepped out and was like, "Nah, fam, don't be savage; this guy is in my house, don't do this dumb stuff."
24"Check it, I got my daughter and his concubine; I’ll send them out, do what you want with them, but don’t do this to the dude."
25But the dudes weren't listening, so he took his concubine and sent her out to them; they knew her and treated her poorly all night until morning, then let her go.
26The woman came back at dawn and collapsed at the door of the man's house where her lord was, waiting for light.
27The lord woke up in the morning, opened the doors, and was about to leave, and saw his concubine lying at the door with her hands on the threshold.
28He said to her, "Get up, let’s bounce." But she didn’t respond. So he picked her up on a donkey and headed back home.
29Once he got home, he grabbed a knife, took his concubine, and chopped her into twelve pieces, sending them all over Israel.
30And everyone who saw it was like, "No cap, nothing this wild has gone down since the Israelites left Egypt; think about it, talk it out."