1Abram was 99, and God pulled up saying, "I'm the Almighty, so vibe with me and be perfect, no cap."

2"I'm gonna make a lit deal with you, and you'll be popping off with blessings."

3Abram hit the ground face-first, and God was like, "Listen up, fam."

4"My deal is with you, and you’re gonna be a father to mad nations."

5"From now on, you ain't just Abram, you’re Abraham; I made you a father of many nations, fr."

6"You’re gonna be super fruitful, and nations and kings will come from you, that's straight fire."

7"I'm locking in this deal with you and your fam for all time; I’ll be their God too."

8"I’ll give you and your fam the land you’re chilling in, all of Canaan, as a forever gift; I’ll be their God."

9God told Abraham, "You gotta keep my deal, you and your fam for generations, no cap."

10"This is the deal you’re keeping with me and your fam; every boy among you needs to get circumcised."

11Yo, you gotta get that skin off, it’s a sign of our deal, no cap.

12If you’re eight days old, get ready to do this; all the boys in your fam, even the ones bought from others, gotta do it.

13Anyone born in your crib or bought with your cash needs to get circumcised; it’s a forever deal in your flesh, periodt.

14If a boy doesn’t get this done, he’s outta the crew; he broke our deal, savage move.

15God told Abraham, “Forget Sarai; her name’s Sarah now.”

16I’m gonna bless her and give you a son; she’s gonna be a mom to nations, kings gonna come from her, fr.

17Abraham hit the ground laughing, thinking, “A hundred years old and still having kids? Sarah’s ninety, no way!”

18Abraham was like, “God, can Ishmael just vibe with you?”

19God said, “Sarah’s definitely gonna have a son, name him Isaac; we’re making this covenant forever with him and his kids.”

20About Ishmael, I got you: I’ve blessed him too, he’s gonna be lit, with twelve princes and a whole nation.

21God’s like, "I’m making a deal with Isaac, the kid Sarah’s gonna pop out next year. Periodt."

22Then God ghosted Abraham after that chat, just vibing up.

23Abraham snagged Ishmael and all the dudes in his crib, got them all snipped on the same day, 'cause God said so. No cap.

24Abraham was ninety-nine when he got that whole snip situation sorted. Savage.

25Ishmael was thirteen when he joined the snip squad.

26Same day, Abraham and Ishmael both got the chop.

27All the guys in his house, born or bought, got snipped too. They were all in it together. Bussin.

1And when Abram was ninety years old and nine, the Lord appeared to Abram, and said unto him, I am the Almighty God; walk before me, and be thou perfect.

2And I will make my covenant between me and thee, and will multiply thee exceedingly.

3And Abram fell on his face: and God talked with him, saying,

4As for me, behold, my covenant is with thee, and thou shalt be a father of many nations.

5Neither shall thy name any more be called Abram, but thy name shall be Abraham; for a father of many nations have I made thee.

6And I will make thee exceeding fruitful, and I will make nations of thee, and kings shall come out of thee.

7And I will establish my covenant between me and thee and thy seed after thee in their generations for an everlasting covenant, to be a God unto thee, and to thy seed after thee.

8And I will give unto thee, and to thy seed after thee, the land wherein thou art a stranger, all the land of Canaan, for an everlasting possession; and I will be their God.

9And God said unto Abraham, Thou shalt keep my covenant therefore, thou, and thy seed after thee in their generations.

10This is my covenant, which ye shall keep, between me and you and thy seed after thee; Every man child among you shall be circumcised.

11And ye shall circumcise the flesh of your foreskin; and it shall be a token of the covenant betwixt me and you.

12And he that is eight days old shall be circumcised among you, every man child in your generations, he that is born in the house, or bought with money of any stranger, which is not of thy seed.

13He that is born in thy house, and he that is bought with thy money, must needs be circumcised: and my covenant shall be in your flesh for an everlasting covenant.

14And the uncircumcised man child whose flesh of his foreskin is not circumcised, that soul shall be cut off from his people; he hath broken my covenant.

15And God said unto Abraham, As for Sarai thy wife, thou shalt not call her name Sarai, but Sarah shall her name be.

16And I will bless her, and give thee a son also of her: yea, I will bless her, and she shall be a mother of nations; kings of people shall be of her.

17Then Abraham fell upon his face, and laughed, and said in his heart, Shall a child be born unto him that is an hundred years old? and shall Sarah, that is ninety years old, bear?

18And Abraham said unto God, O that Ishmael might live before thee!

19And God said, Sarah thy wife shall bear thee a son indeed; and thou shalt call his name Isaac: and I will establish my covenant with him for an everlasting covenant, and with his seed after him.

20And as for Ishmael, I have heard thee: Behold, I have blessed him, and will make him fruitful, and will multiply him exceedingly; twelve princes shall he beget, and I will make him a great nation.

21But my covenant will I establish with Isaac, which Sarah shall bear unto thee at this set time in the next year.

22And he left off talking with him, and God went up from Abraham.

23And Abraham took Ishmael his son, and all that were born in his house, and all that were bought with his money, every male among the men of Abraham’s house; and circumcised the flesh of their foreskin in the selfsame day, as God had said unto him.

24And Abraham was ninety years old and nine, when he was circumcised in the flesh of his foreskin.

25And Ishmael his son was thirteen years old, when he was circumcised in the flesh of his foreskin.

26In the selfsame day was Abraham circumcised, and Ishmael his son.

27And all the men of his house, born in the house, and bought with money of the stranger, were circumcised with him.