Gen Z: Exodus 9
1Then the Lord said to Moses, "Slide over to Pharaoh and hit him with this: 'The Lord God of the Hebrews is sayin', let my people bounce so they can serve me.'"
2But if you’re gonna be sus and not let them go, just know it’s gonna be a problem.
3Check it, the Lord's hand is on your cattle chillin' in the field, like the horses, donkeys, camels, oxen, and sheep: it’s about to get real grim.
4The Lord is gonna separate the cattle of Israel from the cattle of Egypt, and not a single one of Israel’s herd is gonna bite the dust.
5The Lord set a date, saying, “Tomorrow, I’m about to pop off in the land.”
6And the Lord did that thing the next day, and all the cattle of Egypt were done for; but Israel's cattle? Not a single one went down.
7Pharaoh sent out to check, and guess what? Not one of the Israelites' cattle was dead. But Pharaoh’s heart was still hard, and he didn’t let the people go.
8Then the Lord told Moses and Aaron, “Grab some ashes from the furnace and let Moses sprinkle it up to the sky in front of Pharaoh.”
9It’ll turn to dust all over Egypt and cause boils to break out on people and animals, for real.
10So they grabbed the ashes and stood before Pharaoh; Moses sprinkled it toward the sky, and it turned into boils breaking out on both people and beasts.
11The magicians were totally shook and couldn’t even face Moses 'cause of the boils; they were getting wrecked, just like all the Egyptians.
12And the Lord was like, “Nah fam,” hardening Pharaoh’s heart, so he didn’t listen to Moses, no cap.
13The Lord told Moses to wake up early, roll up to Pharaoh, and drop this line: “Yo, God of the Hebrews says, let my peeps go so they can vibe with me.”
14'Cause I’m about to drop all my plagues on your heart and your squad, so you know there’s no one like me in the whole universe.
15For real, I’m about to flex my hand and hit you and your crew with some serious pestilence; you’ll be wiped off the map.
16And for this reason, I’ve put you in this position to show off my power; my name’s gonna be known everywhere, periodt.
17You still think you’re better than my people and won’t let them bounce?
18Just wait, tomorrow around this time, I’m sending down some epic hail that’s gonna be next level, never seen in Egypt before.
19So go ahead and gather your cattle and everything in the field; if they’re out there when the hail drops, it’s game over for them.
20The ones who were vibing with the Lord's word among Pharaoh’s crew were like, “We gotta get our people and cattle inside!”
21The dude who ignored the Lord's word just bounced, leaving his crew and livestock chillin' in the field.
22The Lord told Moses, "Yo, stretch your hand to the sky so hail can drop on all of Egypt, hitting everyone and everything."
23Moses reached out his rod to the heavens, and the Lord sent thunder and hail, with fire vibing on the ground; hail rained down on Egypt.
24So there was hail mixed with fire, super savage, nothing like it ever hit Egypt since it became a nation.
25The hail wrecked everything in the fields of Egypt, hitting both people and animals; it smashed every herb and broke every tree.
26But in Goshen, where the Israelites were, there was no hail, just chill vibes.
27Pharaoh called for Moses and Aaron, saying, "I messed up this time: the Lord is righteous, and we are totally sus."
28"Pray to the Lord (for real, that's enough) so the thunder and hail stop; I'll let you bounce, and you can stay no longer."
29Moses replied, "As soon as I step out of the city, I'll raise my hands to the Lord; the thunder will chill, and there won't be any more hail, so you know the earth belongs to the Lord."
30But for you and your crew, I know you still won't fear the Lord God, no cap.
31The flax and barley got wrecked, 'cause the barley was ready to flex, and the flax was like, "I’m vibin’."
32But the wheat and rye were chillin', not even grown yet, so they dodged that drama.
33Moses dipped outta Pharaoh's crib, threw his hands up to God, and then the thunder and hail were like, "We out," and the rain stopped.
34When Pharaoh saw the rain and hail chillin’, he straight-up sinned more and was like, "Nah," hardening his heart, along with his crew.
35Pharaoh's heart was still hard AF, and he wouldn’t let the Israelites bounce, just like God told Moses.