Gen Z: Exodus 10
1And the Lord said to Moses, "Slide into Pharaoh's DMs: I’ve made his heart and his crew all sus, so I can flex my signs in front of him."
2And you gotta spill the tea to your kid and your kid's kid about all the wild stuff I did in Egypt and the signs I pulled off; so you know I’m the Lord, periodt.
3So Moses and Aaron popped in on Pharaoh and were like, "Yo, this is what the Lord God of the Hebrews says: How long you gonna be stubborn and not vibe with me? Let my people go so they can serve me."
4But if you keep acting like that, just wait till tomorrow, and I’ll drop a locust invasion on your land, no cap.
5They’ll cover the whole earth so you can't even see the ground, and they'll munch on whatever's left from the hail, eating every tree that’s chillin’ in your fields.
6They'll fill up your cribs, your squad's cribs, and all the Egyptians’ cribs; stuff your ancestors have never even seen since day one. Then he dipped out on Pharaoh.
7Pharaoh’s crew was like, "How long is this dude gonna be a problem for us? Let the guys go so they can serve their God: don’t you see Egypt is totally wrecked?"
8Then Moses and Aaron got brought back to Pharaoh, and he was like, "Alright, go serve your God: but who’s actually gonna roll out?"
9Moses replied, "We’re taking our whole fam—young and old, sons and daughters, flocks and herds—cuz we gotta throw a feast for the Lord."
10And he said, "Let the Lord be with you, as I let you go with your little ones: just be careful; evil’s lurking ahead."
11Nah fam, go hit up the Lord and serve Him, that’s what you wanted. They dipped from Pharaoh’s vibe quick.
12The Lord was like, "Moses, stretch your hand over Egypt for the locusts, so they can roll up and munch on everything left."
13Moses did his thing, stretched out his rod, and God sent a wild east wind all day and night; in the morning, locusts pulled up.
14The locusts swarmed all over Egypt, chilling in every corner; they were next-level savage, never seen locusts like that before or after.
15They covered the whole earth, making it dark; they munched every green thing left, no cap, nothing was safe in Egypt.
16Pharaoh was like, "Yo, Moses and Aaron, come here ASAP; I messed up against your God and you guys."
17So he’s like, "Please forgive me just this once and ask your God to take away this death vibe."
18Moses bounced from Pharaoh and hit up the Lord.
19The Lord sent a powerful west wind that cleared out the locusts and tossed them into the Red Sea; not a single locust was left in Egypt.
20But the Lord made Pharaoh's heart go hard, so he wouldn’t let the Israelites dip.
21And the Lord said to Moses, "Stretch out your hand to the sky, so the vibes of darkness hit Egypt, like, real dark."
22Moses lifted his hand to the sky, and boom, thick darkness covered Egypt for three days: no cap.
23They couldn’t see each other, nobody moved from their spot for three days, but all the Israelites had light in their homes.
24Pharaoh hit up Moses and was like, "Go serve the Lord; just keep your flocks and herds here. Let the kids roll out with you."
25Moses replied, "You gotta give us some sacrifices and burnt offerings so we can serve the Lord our God, fr."
26Our cattle are coming too; not a hoof is staying behind, 'cause we need them to serve the Lord, and we don't even know how we’ll serve Him until we get there.
27But the Lord made Pharaoh’s heart hard, and he was like, "No way, you’re not going."
28Pharaoh told him, "Get outta here, and don’t come back; if you see my face again, you’re done."
29Moses said, "You’re right, I’m not seeing your face again, periodt."