1So, David was just chillin' past the hill, and Ziba, Mephibosheth's servant, showed up with some donkeys and a feast of bread, raisins, fruits, and a bottle of wine. Vibes were high.

2The king was like, "What's the deal with all this?" Ziba replied, "The donkeys are for your crew to ride, and the bread and fruit are for the squad to munch on; the wine's for those feeling weak in the wild."

3Then the king asked, "Where's your master’s son?" Ziba said, "He’s chilling in Jerusalem, saying today Israel's gonna give him back his dad's kingdom."

4The king told Ziba, "All that belonged to Mephibosheth is yours now." Ziba was like, "Bet, just hoping I can get some of your grace, my dude."

5When King David rolled up to Bahurim, a dude from Saul's fam named Shimei came out, cursing him as he approached.

6He threw stones at David and his crew, while all the mighty men were on both sides. Savage move.

7Shimei was yelling, "Get out, you bloody man, you evil dude!"

8The Lord's bringing back all the blood from Saul’s house on you, since you took over; now the kingdom's in Absalom's hands, and you're caught up in your own mess, bloody man.

9Abishai, son of Zeruiah, said to the king, "Why let this dead dog curse you? Let me take him out!"

10The king replied, "What’s it to you, sons of Zeruiah? Let him curse; the Lord told him to. Who's gonna question that?"

11David told Abishai and his crew, "My own son is out to get me; how much more can this Benjamite do? Just leave him be; the Lord’s got this."

12Maybe the Lord will see my struggle and bless me for this dude cursing me today.

13As David and his crew walked by, Shimei kept cursing, throwing stones and dust at them. Total drama.

14The king and his people were tired, so they stopped to chill and refresh themselves.

15Meanwhile, Absalom and all the Israelite crew showed up in Jerusalem, with Ahithophel in tow.

16When Hushai, David's buddy, came to Absalom, he said, "Long live the king!"

17Absalom asked Hushai, "Is this how you treat your friend? Why didn’t you roll with him?"

18Hushai replied, "Nah; I’m with whoever the Lord and the people choose. I’m sticking with that vibe."

19He added, "Who should I serve? Shouldn’t I be with your son? I served your dad, so I'm here for you too."

20Absalom told Ahithophel, "Drop some advice on what we should do."

21Ahithophel said, "Go hang out with your dad's concubines; everyone will know you’re not on good terms with him, and then your crew will feel strong."

22So they set up a tent for Absalom on the roof, and he went in to his dad's concubines right in front of everyone.

23Ahithophel's advice back then was like asking God directly; it was solid advice for both David and Absalom.

1And when David was a little past the top of the hill, behold, Ziba the servant of Mephibosheth met him, with a couple of asses saddled, and upon them two hundred loaves of bread, and an hundred bunches of raisins, and an hundred of summer fruits, and a bottle of wine.

2And the king said unto Ziba, What meanest thou by these? And Ziba said, The asses be for the king’s household to ride on; and the bread and summer fruit for the young men to eat; and the wine, that such as be faint in the wilderness may drink.

3And the king said, And where is thy master’s son? And Ziba said unto the king, Behold, he abideth at Jerusalem: for he said, To day shall the house of Israel restore me the kingdom of my father.

4Then said the king to Ziba, Behold, thine are all that pertained unto Mephibosheth. And Ziba said, I humbly beseech thee that I may find grace in thy sight, my lord, O king.

5And when king David came to Bahurim, behold, thence came out a man of the family of the house of Saul, whose name was Shimei, the son of Gera: he came forth, and cursed still as he came.

6And he cast stones at David, and at all the servants of king David: and all the people and all the mighty men were on his right hand and on his left.

7And thus said Shimei when he cursed, Come out, come out, thou bloody man, and thou man of Belial:

8The Lord hath returned upon thee all the blood of the house of Saul, in whose stead thou hast reigned; and the Lord hath delivered the kingdom into the hand of Absalom thy son: and, behold, thou art taken in thy mischief, because thou art a bloody man.

9Then said Abishai the son of Zeruiah unto the king, Why should this dead dog curse my lord the king? let me go over, I pray thee, and take off his head.

10And the king said, What have I to do with you, ye sons of Zeruiah? so let him curse, because the Lord hath said unto him, Curse David. Who shall then say, Wherefore hast thou done so?

11And David said to Abishai, and to all his servants, Behold, my son, which came forth of my bowels, seeketh my life: how much more now may this Benjamite do it? let him alone, and let him curse; for the Lord hath bidden him.

12It may be that the Lord will look on mine affliction, and that the Lord will requite me good for his cursing this day.

13And as David and his men went by the way, Shimei went along on the hill’s side over against him, and cursed as he went, and threw stones at him, and cast dust.

14And the king, and all the people that were with him, came weary, and refreshed themselves there.

15And Absalom, and all the people the men of Israel, came to Jerusalem, and Ahithophel with him.

16And it came to pass, when Hushai the Archite, David’s friend, was come unto Absalom, that Hushai said unto Absalom, God save the king, God save the king.

17And Absalom said to Hushai, Is this thy kindness to thy friend? why wentest thou not with thy friend?

18And Hushai said unto Absalom, Nay; but whom the Lord, and this people, and all the men of Israel, choose, his will I be, and with him will I abide.

19And again, whom should I serve? should I not serve in the presence of his son? as I have served in thy father’s presence, so will I be in thy presence.

20Then said Absalom to Ahithophel, Give counsel among you what we shall do.

21And Ahithophel said unto Absalom, Go in unto thy father’s concubines, which he hath left to keep the house; and all Israel shall hear that thou art abhorred of thy father: then shall the hands of all that are with thee be strong.

22So they spread Absalom a tent upon the top of the house; and Absalom went in unto his father’s concubines in the sight of all Israel.

23And the counsel of Ahithophel, which he counselled in those days, was as if a man had enquired at the oracle of God: so was all the counsel of Ahithophel both with David and with Absalom.