1Jesus was like, "Yo, let me drop some parables on y'all again."

2The kingdom of heaven is like a king who threw a lit wedding for his son.

3He sent his crew to invite the peeps who were invited, but they ghosted.

4So he sent more of his crew, saying, "Ayo, my dinner's ready. Got oxen and all, come through for the wedding!"

5But they just shrugged it off, bouncing to their farms and stuff.

6The leftovers treated his crew badly and even took them out.

7When the king found out, he was mad af and sent his squad to take out those murderers and torch their city.

8Then he told his crew, "The wedding's lit, but those invited ain't worthy."

9"So hit the streets and invite everyone you see to the wedding."

10The crew went out, scooped up everyone they found, good and bad, and the wedding was packed with guests.

11When the king rolled in to peep the guests, he spotted a dude not rocking a wedding fit: sus vibes.

12He said, "Yo, friend, how you pull up here without a wedding fit?" Dude was straight up speechless.

13Then the king told his squad, "Tie him up and toss him out into the dark; it’s gonna be weeping and gnashing of teeth, no cap."

14Many are called, but only a few are the real ones, fr.

15Then the Pharisees dipped out, plotting on how to trip him up with their words.

16They sent their crew with the Herodians, saying, "Master, we know you’re legit and teach God’s way for real, you don’t care about people’s status."

17So they asked, "What’s your take? Is it cool to pay tribute to Caesar or nah?"

18But Jesus saw through their shady vibes and said, "Why you testing me, you hypocrites?"

19"Show me that tribute cash." They pulled out a penny.

20And he asked them, "Whose face and title is this?"

21They were like, "Cesar's." And he was all, "Bet, give Cesar what’s his, and give God what’s His."

22When they heard that, they were shook and just dipped.

23That same day, the Sadducees rolled up, the ones who think there’s no coming back, and hit him with a question.

24They were like, "Yo, Master, Moses said if a dude dies without kids, his bro should marry the wifey and carry on the fam."

25So we had seven bros: the first married, kicked the bucket, and left his wifey for his brother.

26Same story for the second and third, all the way to the seventh.

27And then the woman died too.

28So, in the resurrection, whose wifey is she gonna be? They all had her, no cap.

29Jesus was like, "Y’all are trippin’, not knowing the scriptures or God’s power."

30In the resurrection, they don’t marry or get hitched; they’re like the angels up in heaven.

31Yo, about that resurrection thing, haven’t you peeped what God said to you?

32I’m the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, fam. God’s not about dead vibes, but living ones.

33The crowd was shook when they heard this teaching, fr.

34But when the Pharisees caught wind that he silenced the Sadducees, they all linked up.

35Then one of them, a lawyer type, hit him with a question, trying to test him, saying,

36Yo, what’s the biggest commandment in the law?

37Jesus was like, "You gotta love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind, no cap."

38This is the first and major commandment, periodt.

39And the second one’s just like it: love your neighbor as yourself, that’s the vibe.

40All the law and the prophets hang on these two commandments, straight up.

41The Pharisees were chilling together, and Jesus hit them with a question,

42"So, what’s the tea on Christ? Whose son is he?" They replied, "The Son of David, no cap."

43He was like, "Then how does David, in the spirit, call him Lord, though?"

44"The Lord said to my Lord, 'Chill on my right hand until I make your enemies your footstool,' fr?"

45"If David's calling him Lord, how's he his son? Like, make it make sense."

46And no one could drop a reply, and from that day on, nobody dared to ask him anything else.

1And Jesus answered and spake unto them again by parables, and said,

2The kingdom of heaven is like unto a certain king, which made a marriage for his son,

3And sent forth his servants to call them that were bidden to the wedding: and they would not come.

4Again, he sent forth other servants, saying, Tell them which are bidden, Behold, I have prepared my dinner: my oxen and my fatlings are killed, and all things are ready: come unto the marriage.

5But they made light of it, and went their ways, one to his farm, another to his merchandise:

6And the remnant took his servants, and entreated them spitefully, and slew them.

7But when the king heard thereof, he was wroth: and he sent forth his armies, and destroyed those murderers, and burned up their city.

8Then saith he to his servants, The wedding is ready, but they which were bidden were not worthy.

9Go ye therefore into the highways, and as many as ye shall find, bid to the marriage.

10So those servants went out into the highways, and gathered together all as many as they found, both bad and good: and the wedding was furnished with guests.

11And when the king came in to see the guests, he saw there a man which had not on a wedding garment:

12And he saith unto him, Friend, how camest thou in hither not having a wedding garment? And he was speechless.

13Then said the king to the servants, Bind him hand and foot, and take him away, and cast him into outer darkness; there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth.

14For many are called, but few are chosen.

15Then went the Pharisees, and took counsel how they might entangle him in his talk.

16And they sent out unto him their disciples with the Herodians, saying, Master, we know that thou art true, and teachest the way of God in truth, neither carest thou for any man: for thou regardest not the person of men.

17Tell us therefore, What thinkest thou? Is it lawful to give tribute unto Cesar, or not?

18But Jesus perceived their wickedness, and said, Why tempt ye me, ye hypocrites?

19Shew me the tribute money. And they brought unto him a penny.

20And he saith unto them, Whose is this image and superscription?

21They say unto him, Cesar’s. Then saith he unto them, Render therefore unto Cesar the things which are Cesar’s; and unto God the things that are God’s.

22When they had heard these words, they marvelled, and left him, and went their way.

23The same day came to him the Sadducees, which say that there is no resurrection, and asked him,

24Saying, Master, Moses said, If a man die, having no children, his brother shall marry his wife, and raise up seed unto his brother.

25Now there were with us seven brethren: and the first, when he had married a wife, deceased, and, having no issue, left his wife unto his brother:

26Likewise the second also, and the third, unto the seventh.

27And last of all the woman died also.

28Therefore in the resurrection whose wife shall she be of the seven? for they all had her.

29Jesus answered and said unto them, Ye do err, not knowing the scriptures, nor the power of God.

30For in the resurrection they neither marry, nor are given in marriage, but are as the angels of God in heaven.

31But as touching the resurrection of the dead, have ye not read that which was spoken unto you by God, saying,

32I am the God of Abraham, and the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob? God is not the God of the dead, but of the living.

33And when the multitude heard this, they were astonished at his doctrine.

34But when the Pharisees had heard that he had put the Sadducees to silence, they were gathered together.

35Then one of them, which was a lawyer, asked him a question, tempting him, and saying,

36Master, which is the great commandment in the law?

37Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.

38This is the first and great commandment.

39And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.

40On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.

41While the Pharisees were gathered together, Jesus asked them,

42Saying, What think ye of Christ? whose son is he? They say unto him, The Son of David.

43He saith unto them, How then doth David in spirit call him Lord, saying,

44The Lord said unto my Lord, Sit thou on my right hand, till I make thine enemies thy footstool?

45If David then call him Lord, how is he his son?

46And no man was able to answer him a word, neither durst any man from that day forth ask him any more questions.