Gen Z: Genesis 35
1God was like, "Yo Jacob, get up, head to Beth-el, and chill there. Build an altar for me, the one who had your back when you dipped from Esau."
2Jacob told his fam and everyone rollin' with him, "Time to ditch those sus gods and clean up your act, fam. Change those fits."
3"Let's bounce to Beth-el; I'll build an altar for the God who came through for me when I was stressed, and who vibed with me on my journey."
4They handed Jacob all the sus gods and earrings they had, and Jacob buried them under an oak by Shechem, keeping it low-key.
5They were on the move, and God's presence was on the cities around them, so no one dared to mess with Jacob's crew.
6Jacob rolled up to Luz, which is in Canaan, aka Beth-el, with all the peeps who were with him.
7He built an altar there and named the spot El-beth-el because that's where God showed up when he was running from his bro.
8But then Deborah, Rebekah’s nurse, passed away, and they buried her under an oak at Beth-el, calling the spot Allon-bachuth.
9God pulled up to Jacob again when he left Padan-aram and blessed him, no cap.
10God said, "Your name is Jacob, but from now on, you’re Israel; that’s the new vibe." And he called him Israel, periodt.
11And God said, "Yo, I’m the OG Almighty. Go and make more peeps; nations and kings are gonna come from you, no cap."
12"The land I gave to Abraham and Isaac? Yeah, it's all yours now, and your fam after you, periodt."
13Then God dipped from him in the spot where they were vibing.
14Jacob built a dope pillar where they chatted, tossed some drink offerings on it, and poured oil too.
15Jacob called that spot Beth-el, 'cause that’s where God dropped the wisdom.
16They bounced from Beth-el; it was just a short trip to Ephrath, but Rachel was in major struggle mode.
17While she was grinding through it, the midwife said, "Don’t trip; you’re having this baby too."
18As she was about to peace out (she died), she named him Ben-oni, but his dad was like, "Nah, he’s Benjamin now."
19Rachel passed away and got laid to rest on the way to Ephrath, which is Bethlehem.
20Jacob set up a pillar on her grave; that’s still Rachel’s spot to this day.
21Israel was on the move, setting up his tent past the Edar tower. Vibes.
22While chilling in that land, Reuben went and got with Bilhah, his dad's side chick, and Israel caught wind of it. No cap, Jacob had twelve sons.
23The sons of Leah: Reuben, the OG, then Simeon, Levi, Judah, Issachar, and Zebulun.
24The sons of Rachel: Joseph and Benjamin, keeping it tight.
25And the sons of Bilhah, Rachel’s handmaid: Dan and Naphtali, just vibing.
26Sons of Zilpah, Leah’s handmaid: Gad and Asher. These are Jacob’s crew born in Padan–aram.
27Jacob rolled up to his dad Isaac in Mamre, the city of Arbah, aka Hebron, where Abraham and Isaac were chilling.
28Isaac lived an epic 180 years, straight up.
29Isaac passed away, joined his peeps, old and wise, and his sons Esau and Jacob handled the burial.