1So, Isaac's getting old and his vision's super sus. He calls his oldest son, Esau, and is like, "Yo, I'm here."

2Isaac's all, "I'm old, no cap, I don't even know when I'm gonna kick the bucket."

3He tells Esau, "Ayo, grab your gear, your bow and arrows, and go hunt me some food."

4"Cook up something fire that I love and bring it to me so I can eat and bless you before I bounce."

5Rebekah overheard Isaac talking to Esau, and Esau dipped to go hunt for that good grub.

6Rebekah told Jacob, her son, "Yo, I heard your dad tell Esau to bring him food."

7"He wants venison and some tasty eats so he can bless you before he goes."

8"So, listen up, my dude, just do what I'm saying."

9"Go grab me two prime goats from the flock; I’ll whip up some lit food for your dad."

10"Then bring it to him so he can eat and bless you before he checks out."

11Jacob said to his mom, "Yo, Esau's all hairy and I'm just smooth AF."

12"Dad might feel me and think I'm sus, and that would be a curse, not a blessing, no cap."

13His mom was like, "The curse's on me, my dude: just listen to me and go grab those goats."

14So he went and got them for his mom, and she cooked up some fire food that Dad loved.

15Rebekah took Esau's fresh clothes from the house and decked out Jacob in them.

16Then she put some goat skins on his hands and neck to make him look more like Esau.

17She handed him the tasty food and bread she made, and said, "Take this to your dad."

18He rolled up to his dad and said, "What’s good, Dad?" And Isaac asked, "Who are you, my son?"

19Jacob replied, "I'm Esau, your firstborn; I did what you said: get up, sit, and eat my food so you can bless me."

20Isaac was like, "How'd you find it so fast, my dude?" And Jacob said, "The Lord hooked me up."

21Isaac was like, "Yo Jacob, come here so I can see if you're really my son Esau or nah."

22Jacob rolled up to Isaac, and he felt him, saying, "The voice is Jacob’s but those hands are definitely Esau's."

23He couldn't tell, 'cause his hands were all hairy like Esau's, so he blessed him anyway.

24Isaac asked, "Are you really my son Esau?" Jacob was like, "No cap, I am."

25Isaac said, "Bring me that food so I can eat and bless you." Jacob brought it, and they vibed with some wine too.

26Isaac told him, "Come closer and give me a kiss, my dude."

27Jacob kissed him, and Isaac caught that fresh scent of his clothes and blessed him, saying, "Wow, my son smells like a blessed field."

28So God’s gonna hook you up with heaven’s dew, earth’s goodies, and loads of corn and wine.

29People will serve you, nations will bow to you; you'll be the boss over your fam, and anyone who curses you is sus, while those who bless you are goated.

30Right after Isaac finished blessing Jacob, Jacob barely dipped out when Esau came back from hunting.

31He brought some fire food to his dad and was like, "Yo, rise up and eat this venison so you can bless me, fam."

32Isaac was like, "Who are you?" And he replied, "I’m your son, the OG Esau."

33Isaac freaked out and was like, "Who? Who took the venison and fed me? I already blessed him, no cap."

34When Esau heard his dad, he cried hard and said, "Bless me too, Dad, fr."

35Isaac said, "Your brother played you and snatched your blessing."

36Esau was like, "Isn’t he called Jacob for a reason? He’s been stealing my vibes twice: first my birthright, now my blessing. You got anything for me?"

37Isaac replied, "I made him your boss, and all his bros are his servants; I’ve hooked him up with food and drink. What can I do for you now?"

38Esau asked, "Is there only one blessing, Dad? Bless me too!" And he started crying.

39Isaac said, "You’ll live off the best parts of the earth and the dew from heaven, periodt."

40"You’ll live by the sword and serve your brother, but one day you’ll break free from his grip."

41Esau was straight-up salty at Jacob 'cause their dad blessed him, and he was like, “Once Dad's gone, I’m gonna take out my bro.”

42Rebekah heard Esau's plan and called Jacob, telling him, “Yo, your bro is low-key plotting to take you out.”

43So, my dude, listen up; bounce to Laban's place in Haran for a bit.

44Chill there for a few days until Esau cools off.

45Once he forgets what you did, I’ll come get you. I can’t lose both my sons in one day, no cap.

46Rebekah told Isaac, “I’m not vibing with life if Jacob marries one of those Heth girls. What’s even the point?”

1And it came to pass, that when Isaac was old, and his eyes were dim, so that he could not see, he called Esau his eldest son, and said unto him, My son: and he said unto him, Behold, here am I.

2And he said, Behold now, I am old, I know not the day of my death:

3Now therefore take, I pray thee, thy weapons, thy quiver and thy bow, and go out to the field, and take me some venison;

4And make me savoury meat, such as I love, and bring it to me, that I may eat; that my soul may bless thee before I die.

5And Rebekah heard when Isaac spake to Esau his son. And Esau went to the field to hunt for venison, and to bring it.

6And Rebekah spake unto Jacob her son, saying, Behold, I heard thy father speak unto Esau thy brother, saying,

7Bring me venison, and make me savoury meat, that I may eat, and bless thee before the Lord before my death.

8Now therefore, my son, obey my voice according to that which I command thee.

9Go now to the flock, and fetch me from thence two good kids of the goats; and I will make them savoury meat for thy father, such as he loveth:

10And thou shalt bring it to thy father, that he may eat, and that he may bless thee before his death.

11And Jacob said to Rebekah his mother, Behold, Esau my brother is a hairy man, and I am a smooth man:

12My father peradventure will feel me, and I shall seem to him as a deceiver; and I shall bring a curse upon me, and not a blessing.

13And his mother said unto him, Upon me be thy curse, my son: only obey my voice, and go fetch me them.

14And he went, and fetched, and brought them to his mother: and his mother made savoury meat, such as his father loved.

15And Rebekah took goodly raiment of her eldest son Esau, which were with her in the house, and put them upon Jacob her younger son:

16And she put the skins of the kids of the goats upon his hands, and upon the smooth of his neck:

17And she gave the savoury meat and the bread, which she had prepared, into the hand of her son Jacob.

18And he came unto his father, and said, My father: and he said, Here am I; who art thou, my son?

19And Jacob said unto his father, I am Esau thy firstborn; I have done according as thou badest me: arise, I pray thee, sit and eat of my venison, that thy soul may bless me.

20And Isaac said unto his son, How is it that thou hast found it so quickly, my son? And he said, Because the Lord thy God brought it to me.

21And Isaac said unto Jacob, Come near, I pray thee, that I may feel thee, my son, whether thou be my very son Esau or not.

22And Jacob went near unto Isaac his father; and he felt him, and said, The voice is Jacob’s voice, but the hands are the hands of Esau.

23And he discerned him not, because his hands were hairy, as his brother Esau’s hands: so he blessed him.

24And he said, Art thou my very son Esau? And he said, I am.

25And he said, Bring it near to me, and I will eat of my son’s venison, that my soul may bless thee. And he brought it near to him, and he did eat: and he brought him wine, and he drank.

26And his father Isaac said unto him, Come near now, and kiss me, my son.

27And he came near, and kissed him: and he smelled the smell of his raiment, and blessed him, and said, See, the smell of my son is as the smell of a field which the Lord hath blessed:

28Therefore God give thee of the dew of heaven, and the fatness of the earth, and plenty of corn and wine:

29Let people serve thee, and nations bow down to thee: be lord over thy brethren, and let thy mother’s sons bow down to thee: cursed be every one that curseth thee, and blessed be he that blesseth thee.

30And it came to pass, as soon as Isaac had made an end of blessing Jacob, and Jacob was yet scarce gone out from the presence of Isaac his father, that Esau his brother came in from his hunting.

31And he also had made savoury meat, and brought it unto his father, and said unto his father, Let my father arise, and eat of his son’s venison, that thy soul may bless me.

32And Isaac his father said unto him, Who art thou? And he said, I am thy son, thy firstborn Esau.

33And Isaac trembled very exceedingly, and said, Who? where is he that hath taken venison, and brought it me, and I have eaten of all before thou camest, and have blessed him? yea, and he shall be blessed.

34And when Esau heard the words of his father, he cried with a great and exceeding bitter cry, and said unto his father, Bless me, even me also, O my father.

35And he said, Thy brother came with subtilty, and hath taken away thy blessing.

36And he said, Is not he rightly named Jacob? for he hath supplanted me these two times: he took away my birthright; and, behold, now he hath taken away my blessing. And he said, Hast thou not reserved a blessing for me?

37And Isaac answered and said unto Esau, Behold, I have made him thy lord, and all his brethren have I given to him for servants; and with corn and wine have I sustained him: and what shall I do now unto thee, my son?

38And Esau said unto his father, Hast thou but one blessing, my father? bless me, even me also, O my father. And Esau lifted up his voice, and wept.

39And Isaac his father answered and said unto him, Behold, thy dwelling shall be the fatness of the earth, and of the dew of heaven from above;

40And by thy sword shalt thou live, and shalt serve thy brother; and it shall come to pass when thou shalt have the dominion, that thou shalt break his yoke from off thy neck.

41And Esau hated Jacob because of the blessing wherewith his father blessed him: and Esau said in his heart, The days of mourning for my father are at hand; then will I slay my brother Jacob.

42And these words of Esau her elder son were told to Rebekah: and she sent and called Jacob her younger son, and said unto him, Behold, thy brother Esau, as touching thee, doth comfort himself, purposing to kill thee.

43Now therefore, my son, obey my voice; and arise, flee thou to Laban my brother to Haran;

44And tarry with him a few days, until thy brother’s fury turn away;

45Until thy brother’s anger turn away from thee, and he forget that which thou hast done to him: then I will send, and fetch thee from thence: why should I be deprived also of you both in one day?

46And Rebekah said to Isaac, I am weary of my life because of the daughters of Heth: if Jacob take a wife of the daughters of Heth, such as these which are of the daughters of the land, what good shall my life do me?