1Paul was like, "Yo fam, I’ve been chillin’ with a clear conscience before God, no cap."

2The high priest Ananias was savage and told his crew to smack Paul in the mouth.

3Paul fired back, "God's gonna smack you, you fake wall: you think you can judge me and tell me to get hit when that’s sus?"

4The squad around him was like, "You dissing God’s high priest?"

5Paul was like, "My bad, I didn’t know he was the high priest: it’s written, don’t talk trash about your people’s ruler."

6Paul peeped that some were Sadducees and others Pharisees, so he popped off, "Yo, I’m a Pharisee, son of a Pharisee: I’m here for the hope and resurrection talk."

7When he said that, chaos broke out between the Pharisees and Sadducees, and the crowd was totally divided.

8The Sadducees were like, "No resurrection, no angels, no spirits," but the Pharisees were all in on both.

9Then a huge shout went up: the Pharisee scribes were like, "We see no evil in this dude; if a spirit or angel talked to him, let’s not go against God."

10When the drama escalated, the chief captain was worried Paul might get wrecked, so he told the soldiers to swoop in and pull him out, bringing him to the castle.

11That night, the Lord rolled up to Paul and said, "Stay vibin', fam: just like you spoke up for me in Jerusalem, you gotta do the same in Rome, no cap."

12When morning hit, some Jews teamed up and put themselves under a savage curse, saying they wouldn’t eat or drink until they took Paul out.

13There were more than forty of them plotting this whole scheme, fr.

14They went to the top dogs, the chief priests and elders, and said, "We’ve cursed ourselves big time, we won’t eat anything until we handle Paul."

15So you guys need to hit up the chief captain and tell him to bring Paul down tomorrow, acting like you wanna ask him some more questions, while we’re ready to pop off on him.

16When Paul’s sister's son caught wind of their shady plan, he went straight to the castle and told Paul, no cap.

17Paul called one of the centurions over and said, "Yo, bring this young dude to the chief captain; he’s got some tea to spill."

18So the centurion took him and brought him to the chief captain, saying, "Paul the prisoner called for me and asked me to bring this young man to you; he’s got something to say."

19The chief captain took him aside and asked, "What’s the scoop you got for me?"

20He said, "The Jews are lowkey asking you to bring Paul down tomorrow to the council, acting like they want to ask him some more questions."

21But don’t give in to them, fam: they got over forty peeps ready to pop off, swearin’ they won’t eat or drink till they take him out. They’re just waiting for you to make a move, no cap.

22So the chief captain was like, "Aight, you can bounce," and told him, "Just don’t spill the tea about what we talked about, fr."

23He called up two centurions, saying, "Get two hundred soldiers ready to roll to Cesarea, plus seventy horsemen and two hundred spearmen, at the third hour of the night; that’s the vibe."

24And grab some animals so they can get Paul on one and bring him safe to Felix, the governor, you feel?

25And he wrote a letter like this:

26Claudius Lysias to the most excellent governor Felix, what’s good?

27This dude was grabbed by the Jews, and they were about to take him out: then I rolled in with my squad and saved him, knowing he was a Roman, periodt.

28When I wanted to know what they were accusing him of, I brought him to their council, no cap.

29I saw he was being accused of their law stuff, but there was nothing on him that deserved death or chains, fr.

30And when I heard the Jews were waiting to get him, I sent you this ASAP and told his accusers to spill the tea on what they had against him. Peace out.

31So the soldiers, following orders, scooped up Paul and bounced him to Antipatris at night.

32The next day, they let the horse squad roll with him and dipped back to the castle.

33When they hit Caesarea, they dropped off the letter to the governor and showed Paul to him too.

34After the governor peeped the letter, he was like, "What province you reppin'?" Once he figured out Paul was from Cilicia,

35he said, "I’ll listen to you when your haters show up." Then he had Paul chillin' in Herod’s judgment hall.

1And Paul, earnestly beholding the council, said, Men and brethren, I have lived in all good conscience before God until this day.

2And the high priest Ananias commanded them that stood by him to smite him on the mouth.

3Then said Paul unto him, God shall smite thee, thou whited wall: for sittest thou to judge me after the law, and commandest me to be smitten contrary to the law?

4And they that stood by said, Revilest thou God’s high priest?

5Then said Paul, I wist not, brethren, that he was the high priest: for it is written, Thou shalt not speak evil of the ruler of thy people.

6But when Paul perceived that the one part were Sadducees, and the other Pharisees, he cried out in the council, Men and brethren, I am a Pharisee, the son of a Pharisee: of the hope and resurrection of the dead I am called in question.

7And when he had so said, there arose a dissension between the Pharisees and the Sadducees: and the multitude was divided.

8For the Sadducees say that there is no resurrection, neither angel, nor spirit: but the Pharisees confess both.

9And there arose a great cry: and the scribes that were of the Pharisees’ part arose, and strove, saying, We find no evil in this man: but if a spirit or an angel hath spoken to him, let us not fight against God.

10And when there arose a great dissension, the chief captain, fearing lest Paul should have been pulled in pieces of them, commanded the soldiers to go down, and to take him by force from among them, and to bring him into the castle.

11And the night following the Lord stood by him, and said, Be of good cheer, Paul: for as thou hast testified of me in Jerusalem, so must thou bear witness also at Rome.

12And when it was day, certain of the Jews banded together, and bound themselves under a curse, saying that they would neither eat nor drink till they had killed Paul.

13And they were more than forty which had made this conspiracy.

14And they came to the chief priests and elders, and said, We have bound ourselves under a great curse, that we will eat nothing until we have slain Paul.

15Now therefore ye with the council signify to the chief captain that he bring him down unto you to morrow, as though ye would enquire something more perfectly concerning him: and we, or ever he come near, are ready to kill him.

16And when Paul’s sister’s son heard of their lying in wait, he went and entered into the castle, and told Paul.

17Then Paul called one of the centurions unto him, and said, Bring this young man unto the chief captain: for he hath a certain thing to tell him.

18So he took him, and brought him to the chief captain, and said, Paul the prisoner called me unto him, and prayed me to bring this young man unto thee, who hath something to say unto thee.

19Then the chief captain took him by the hand, and went with him aside privately, and asked him, What is that thou hast to tell me?

20And he said, The Jews have agreed to desire thee that thou wouldest bring down Paul to morrow into the council, as though they would enquire somewhat of him more perfectly.

21But do not thou yield unto them: for there lie in wait for him of them more than forty men, which have bound themselves with an oath, that they will neither eat nor drink till they have killed him: and now are they ready, looking for a promise from thee.

22So the chief captain then let the young man depart, and charged him, See thou tell no man that thou hast shewed these things to me.

23And he called unto him two centurions, saying, Make ready two hundred soldiers to go to Cesarea, and horsemen threescore and ten, and spearmen two hundred, at the third hour of the night;

24And provide them beasts, that they may set Paul on, and bring him safe unto Felix the governor.

25And he wrote a letter after this manner:

26Claudius Lysias unto the most excellent governor Felix sendeth greeting.

27This man was taken of the Jews, and should have been killed of them: then came I with an army, and rescued him, having understood that he was a Roman.

28And when I would have known the cause wherefore they accused him, I brought him forth into their council:

29Whom I perceived to be accused of questions of their law, but to have nothing laid to his charge worthy of death or of bonds.

30And when it was told me how that the Jews laid wait for the man, I sent straightway to thee, and gave commandment to his accusers also to say before thee what they had against him. Farewell.

31Then the soldiers, as it was commanded them, took Paul, and brought him by night to Antipatris.

32On the morrow they left the horsemen to go with him, and returned to the castle:

33Who, when they came to Cesarea, and delivered the epistle to the governor, presented Paul also before him.

34And when the governor had read the letter, he asked of what province he was. And when he understood that he was of Cilicia;

35I will hear thee, said he, when thine accusers are also come. And he commanded him to be kept in Herod’s judgment hall.