1So, like, the Philistines gathered their squads to throw down with Israel. Achish was like, "Yo, you and your crew are rolling with me to battle, no cap."

2David was like, "Bet, you know what I can do." And Achish was like, "Aight, you’re my head honcho forever."

3Samuel had passed, and all of Israel was shook and buried him in Ramah, his hometown. Saul kicked out all the vibe-checkers and wizards from the land.

4The Philistines rolled up and camped in Shunem, while Saul gathered all of Israel to chill in Gilboa.

5When Saul peeped the Philistine squad, he was scared, and his heart was racing, fr.

6Saul hit up the Lord, but the Lord ghosted him, no dreams, no Urim, no prophets, just silence.

7Saul told his crew, "Find me a woman with a familiar spirit so I can get the tea." His crew was like, "There’s a woman with those vibes in En-dor."

8Saul put on a disguise and rolled out at night with two homies, and he said to the woman, "Can you, like, summon someone for me?"

9The woman was like, "You know what Saul did, right? He kicked out all the vibe-checkers. Why you tryna set me up to get wrecked?"

10Saul swore to her by the Lord, saying, "For real, no harm's gonna come to you for this."

11The woman asked, "Whom should I summon?" And he said, "Bring me up Samuel."

12When the woman saw Samuel, she screamed, and was like, "Why you playing me? You’re Saul!"

13The king said, "Chill, what did you see?" And the woman said, "I saw gods rising from the ground."

14He asked, "What does he look like?" She said, "An old dude in a cloak." Saul realized it was Samuel, and he bowed down, no cap.

15Samuel was like, "Why you disturb me to bring me up?" Saul answered, "I’m stressed; the Philistines are coming for me, and God’s ghosted me."

16Samuel was like, "Why you asking me? The Lord's left you and is now your enemy."

17The Lord did to you what I said: He took the kingdom from you and gave it to David, the GOAT.

18You didn't listen to the Lord’s voice or handle business with Amalek, so now the Lord's doing this to you today.

19Plus, the Lord's gonna hand over Israel to the Philistines; tomorrow you and your boys will be with me. The Lord's also giving Israel's squad to the Philistines.

20Saul dropped to the ground, shook up by Samuel's words; he had no strength since he hadn’t eaten all day or night.

21The woman came to Saul and saw he was hella troubled, saying, "I’ve listened to you and put my life on the line for you."

22"So please, listen to me and let me feed you a bite to give you strength for your journey."

23But he was like, "Nah, I’m not eating." His crew and the woman convinced him, so he got up and sat on the bed.

24The woman had a fat calf at home; she rushed, killed it, made some bread, and baked unleavened bread.

25She brought it to Saul and his crew, and they ate. Then they bounced and left that night.

1And it came to pass in those days, that the Philistines gathered their armies together for warfare, to fight with Israel. And Achish said unto David, Know thou assuredly, that thou shalt go out with me to battle, thou and thy men.

2And David said to Achish, Surely thou shalt know what thy servant can do. And Achish said to David, Therefore will I make thee keeper of mine head for ever.

3Now Samuel was dead, and all Israel had lamented him, and buried him in Ramah, even in his own city. And Saul had put away those that had familiar spirits, and the wizards, out of the land.

4And the Philistines gathered themselves together, and came and pitched in Shunem: and Saul gathered all Israel together, and they pitched in Gilboa.

5And when Saul saw the host of the Philistines, he was afraid, and his heart greatly trembled.

6And when Saul enquired of the Lord, the Lord answered him not, neither by dreams, nor by Urim, nor by prophets.

7Then said Saul unto his servants, Seek me a woman that hath a familiar spirit, that I may go to her, and enquire of her. And his servants said to him, Behold, there is a woman that hath a familiar spirit at En–dor.

8And Saul disguised himself, and put on other raiment, and he went, and two men with him, and they came to the woman by night: and he said, I pray thee, divine unto me by the familiar spirit, and bring me him up, whom I shall name unto thee.

9And the woman said unto him, Behold, thou knowest what Saul hath done, how he hath cut off those that have familiar spirits, and the wizards, out of the land: wherefore then layest thou a snare for my life, to cause me to die?

10And Saul sware to her by the Lord, saying, As the Lord liveth, there shall no punishment happen to thee for this thing.

11Then said the woman, Whom shall I bring up unto thee? And he said, Bring me up Samuel.

12And when the woman saw Samuel, she cried with a loud voice: and the woman spake to Saul, saying, Why hast thou deceived me? for thou art Saul.

13And the king said unto her, Be not afraid: for what sawest thou? And the woman said unto Saul, I saw gods ascending out of the earth.

14And he said unto her, What form is he of? And she said, An old man cometh up; and he is covered with a mantle. And Saul perceived that it was Samuel, and he stooped with his face to the ground, and bowed himself.

15And Samuel said to Saul, Why hast thou disquieted me, to bring me up? And Saul answered, I am sore distressed; for the Philistines make war against me, and God is departed from me, and answereth me no more, neither by prophets, nor by dreams: therefore I have called thee, that thou mayest make known unto me what I shall do.

16Then said Samuel, Wherefore then dost thou ask of me, seeing the Lord is departed from thee, and is become thine enemy?

17And the Lord hath done to him, as he spake by me: for the Lord hath rent the kingdom out of thine hand, and given it to thy neighbour, even to David:

18Because thou obeyedst not the voice of the Lord, nor executedst his fierce wrath upon Amalek, therefore hath the Lord done this thing unto thee this day.

19Moreover the Lord will also deliver Israel with thee into the hand of the Philistines: and to morrow shalt thou and thy sons be with me: the Lord also shall deliver the host of Israel into the hand of the Philistines.

20Then Saul fell straightway all along on the earth, and was sore afraid, because of the words of Samuel: and there was no strength in him; for he had eaten no bread all the day, nor all the night.

21And the woman came unto Saul, and saw that he was sore troubled, and said unto him, Behold, thine handmaid hath obeyed thy voice, and I have put my life in my hand, and have hearkened unto thy words which thou spakest unto me.

22Now therefore, I pray thee, hearken thou also unto the voice of thine handmaid, and let me set a morsel of bread before thee; and eat, that thou mayest have strength, when thou goest on thy way.

23But he refused, and said, I will not eat. But his servants, together with the woman, compelled him; and he hearkened unto their voice. So he arose from the earth, and sat upon the bed.

24And the woman had a fat calf in the house; and she hasted, and killed it, and took flour, and kneaded it, and did bake unleavened bread thereof:

25And she brought it before Saul, and before his servants; and they did eat. Then they rose up, and went away that night.