1The Ziphites pulled up on Saul in Gibeah, like, "Yo, isn't David chillin' in the hill of Hachilah, by Jeshimon?"

2So Saul got up and dipped to the wilderness of Ziph with three thousand of his best homies to find David.

3Saul set up camp in the hill of Hachilah, but David was still out in the wild, and he peeped that Saul was comin' for him.

4David sent out some spies and figured out for real that Saul was on the move.

5David rolled up to where Saul was camping and saw where Saul was laid out, with Abner, the captain, chillin’ nearby, while Saul was in the trench.

6Then David asked Ahimelech the Hittite and Abishai, Joab's bro, "Who’s down to roll with me to Saul's camp?" Abishai was like, "I gotchu."

7So David and Abishai snuck up on the crew at night: Saul was knocked out in the trench, spear stuck in the ground, while Abner and the squad were all around him.

8Abishai was hype and said to David, "God’s totally handed your enemy over to you today; let me just take him out with the spear, one and done."

9But David was like, "Chill, don’t do it! Who can touch the Lord’s anointed and not be guilty?"

10David added, "As the Lord lives, He’ll handle Saul; either his time will come or he’ll go down in battle."

11David was like, "No way I’m touching the Lord’s anointed. But grab the spear and the water jug, and let’s bounce."

12So David snagged the spear and water jug from Saul and dipped out, and no one saw or woke up 'cause they were all in a deep sleep from the Lord.

13Then David crossed over to the other side and stood on a hill far away, with a good distance between them.

14David shouted to the people and to Abner, "Yo, Abner, you gonna answer or what?" Abner was like, "Who’s yelling at the king?"

15David said to Abner, "Aren’t you a real one? Who’s got your rizz like you in Israel? Why didn’t you protect the king? Someone tried to take him out!"

16"What you did ain’t cool. As the Lord lives, you deserve to catch some heat for not watching your master, the Lord’s anointed. Check where the king's spear is and the water jug!"

17Saul recognized David’s voice and was like, "Is that you, my son David?" David replied, "Yup, it’s me, my lord, O king."

18Saul asked, "Why you chasing your servant? What did I do? What’s the tea?"

19David said, "Let the king hear me out. If the Lord’s got beef with me, let Him accept a gift; but if it’s just people causing drama, curse them before the Lord for kicking me out from the Lord's vibe."

20"So don’t let my blood hit the ground in front of the Lord; it’s wild that the king of Israel is out here hunting a flea, like chasing a partridge in the mountains."

21Saul said, "I messed up: come back, my son David; I won’t hurt you anymore, 'cause you’re precious to me today. I’ve been acting like a fool."

22David replied, "Check out the king’s spear! Let one of the young guys come grab it."

23"The Lord will reward everyone for their rizz and loyalty; He put you in my hands today, but I wouldn’t touch the Lord’s anointed."

24"And since your life was valuable in my eyes today, let my life be valuable in the Lord's eyes, and let Him save me from all this mess."

25Then Saul told David, "Bless up, my son David: you’re gonna do great things and keep winning." So David kept it moving, and Saul went back home.

1And the Ziphites came unto Saul to Gibeah, saying, Doth not David hide himself in the hill of Hachilah, which is before Jeshimon?

2Then Saul arose, and went down to the wilderness of Ziph, having three thousand chosen men of Israel with him, to seek David in the wilderness of Ziph.

3And Saul pitched in the hill of Hachilah, which is before Jeshimon, by the way. But David abode in the wilderness, and he saw that Saul came after him into the wilderness.

4David therefore sent out spies, and understood that Saul was come in very deed.

5And David arose, and came to the place where Saul had pitched: and David beheld the place where Saul lay, and Abner the son of Ner, the captain of his host: and Saul lay in the trench, and the people pitched round about him.

6Then answered David and said to Ahimelech the Hittite, and to Abishai the son of Zeruiah, brother to Joab, saying, Who will go down with me to Saul to the camp? And Abishai said, I will go down with thee.

7So David and Abishai came to the people by night: and, behold, Saul lay sleeping within the trench, and his spear stuck in the ground at his bolster: but Abner and the people lay round about him.

8Then said Abishai to David, God hath delivered thine enemy into thine hand this day: now therefore let me smite him, I pray thee, with the spear even to the earth at once, and I will not smite him the second time.

9And David said to Abishai, Destroy him not: for who can stretch forth his hand against the Lord’s anointed, and be guiltless?

10David said furthermore, As the Lord liveth, the Lord shall smite him; or his day shall come to die; or he shall descend into battle, and perish.

11The Lord forbid that I should stretch forth mine hand against the Lord’s anointed: but, I pray thee, take thou now the spear that is at his bolster, and the cruse of water, and let us go.

12So David took the spear and the cruse of water from Saul’s bolster; and they gat them away, and no man saw it, nor knew it, neither awaked: for they were all asleep; because a deep sleep from the Lord was fallen upon them.

13Then David went over to the other side, and stood on the top of an hill afar off; a great space being between them:

14And David cried to the people, and to Abner the son of Ner, saying, Answerest thou not, Abner? Then Abner answered and said, Who art thou that criest to the king?

15And David said to Abner, Art not thou a valiant man? and who is like to thee in Israel? wherefore then hast thou not kept thy lord the king? for there came one of the people in to destroy the king thy lord.

16This thing is not good that thou hast done. As the Lord liveth, ye are worthy to die, because ye have not kept your master, the Lord’s anointed. And now see where the king’s spear is, and the cruse of water that was at his bolster.

17And Saul knew David’s voice, and said, Is this thy voice, my son David? And David said, It is my voice, my lord, O king.

18And he said, Wherefore doth my lord thus pursue after his servant? for what have I done? or what evil is in mine hand?

19Now therefore, I pray thee, let my lord the king hear the words of his servant. If the Lord have stirred thee up against me, let him accept an offering: but if they be the children of men, cursed be they before the Lord; for they have driven me out this day from abiding in the inheritance of the Lord, saying, Go, serve other gods.

20Now therefore, let not my blood fall to the earth before the face of the Lord: for the king of Israel is come out to seek a flea, as when one doth hunt a partridge in the mountains.

21Then said Saul, I have sinned: return, my son David: for I will no more do thee harm, because my soul was precious in thine eyes this day: behold, I have played the fool, and have erred exceedingly.

22And David answered and said, Behold the king’s spear! and let one of the young men come over and fetch it.

23The Lord render to every man his righteousness and his faithfulness: for the Lord delivered thee into my hand to day, but I would not stretch forth mine hand against the Lord’s anointed.

24And, behold, as thy life was much set by this day in mine eyes, so let my life be much set by in the eyes of the Lord, and let him deliver me out of all tribulation.

25Then Saul said to David, Blessed be thou, my son David: thou shalt both do great things, and also shalt still prevail. So David went on his way, and Saul returned to his place.