1So, Nahash, the king of Ammon, kicked the bucket, and his son took over. Major vibes.

2David was like, "I gotta show some love to Hanun, Nahash's kid, ‘cause his dad was chill with me." So he sent peeps to comfort him.

3But the Ammon princes were like, "You think David's just being nice? Nah, his crew’s here to scope out the scene and cause drama."

4Hanun was savage and took David's guys, gave them a buzz cut, and made them look sus before sending them off.

5Some folks told David what went down, and he was like, "Yikes, they must feel so embarrassed. Chill in Jericho until your beards grow back, then come through."

6When the Ammonites realized they messed up with David, Hanun sent a thousand talents of silver to hire chariots and soldiers from Mesopotamia and Syria.

7They hired 32,000 chariots and the king of Maachah rolled up with his crew, setting up camp near Medeba. The Ammonites gathered for battle.

8When David got the scoop, he sent Joab and all his top-tier warriors.

9The Ammonites came out and lined up for battle at the city gate while the kings were chilling in the field.

10Joab saw he was surrounded, so he picked the best warriors from Israel to face the Syrians.

11The rest of the squad he gave to his bro Abishai to take on the Ammonites.

12Joab was like, "If the Syrians are too lit for me, you gotta back me up; but if the Ammonites are too much for you, I got your back."

13"Stay strong, fam! Let’s be brave for our people and our cities. Let’s let God do His thing."

14So Joab and his crew charged at the Syrians, and they dipped.

15The Ammonites saw the Syrians bounce and they dipped too, running back to the city. Then Joab headed to Jerusalem.

16The Syrians realized they were getting wrecked by Israel, so they sent for reinforcements across the river, led by Shophach, their captain.

17David heard about it, gathered all Israel, crossed the Jordan, and set up for battle against them.

18The Syrians bounced before Israel; David took out 7,000 of their chariot fighters and 40,000 foot soldiers, including Shophach, their captain.

19When Hadarezer's squad saw they were losing to Israel, they made peace with David and became his crew; the Syrians stopped helping the Ammonites.

1Now it came to pass after this, that Nahash the king of the children of Ammon died, and his son reigned in his stead.

2And David said, I will shew kindness unto Hanun the son of Nahash, because his father shewed kindness to me. And David sent messengers to comfort him concerning his father. So the servants of David came into the land of the children of Ammon to Hanun, to comfort him.

3But the princes of the children of Ammon said to Hanun, Thinkest thou that David doth honour thy father, that he hath sent comforters unto thee? are not his servants come unto thee for to search, and to overthrow, and to spy out the land?

4Wherefore Hanun took David’s servants, and shaved them, and cut off their garments in the midst hard by their buttocks, and sent them away.

5Then there went certain, and told David how the men were served. And he sent to meet them: for the men were greatly ashamed. And the king said, Tarry at Jericho until your beards be grown, and then return.

6And when the children of Ammon saw that they had made themselves odious to David, Hanun and the children of Ammon sent a thousand talents of silver to hire them chariots and horsemen out of Mesopotamia, and out of Syria–maachah, and out of Zobah.

7So they hired thirty and two thousand chariots, and the king of Maachah and his people; who came and pitched before Medeba. And the children of Ammon gathered themselves together from their cities, and came to battle.

8And when David heard of it, he sent Joab, and all the host of the mighty men.

9And the children of Ammon came out, and put the battle in array before the gate of the city: and the kings that were come were by themselves in the field.

10Now when Joab saw that the battle was set against him before and behind, he chose out of all the choice of Israel, and put them in array against the Syrians.

11And the rest of the people he delivered unto the hand of Abishai his brother, and they set themselves in array against the children of Ammon.

12And he said, If the Syrians be too strong for me, then thou shalt help me: but if the children of Ammon be too strong for thee, then I will help thee.

13Be of good courage, and let us behave ourselves valiantly for our people, and for the cities of our God: and let the Lord do that which is good in his sight.

14So Joab and the people that were with him drew nigh before the Syrians unto the battle; and they fled before him.

15And when the children of Ammon saw that the Syrians were fled, they likewise fled before Abishai his brother, and entered into the city. Then Joab came to Jerusalem.

16And when the Syrians saw that they were put to the worse before Israel, they sent messengers, and drew forth the Syrians that were beyond the river: and Shophach the captain of the host of Hadarezer went before them.

17And it was told David; and he gathered all Israel, and passed over Jordan, and came upon them, and set the battle in array against them. So when David had put the battle in array against the Syrians, they fought with him.

18But the Syrians fled before Israel; and David slew of the Syrians seven thousand men which fought in chariots, and forty thousand footmen, and killed Shophach the captain of the host.

19And when the servants of Hadarezer saw that they were put to the worse before Israel, they made peace with David, and became his servants: neither would the Syrians help the children of Ammon any more.